Case of the Missing Ring

[Scene opens on Detective and Wilson, each reading a newspaper by a fireside. Clothing suggests that this takes place during the late 1800's, early 1900's]

DETECTIVE
[Using a ridiculously fake English-accent.]
'Bout that time, eh chap?

WILSON
[Not looking up]
Right-o.

[Someone knocks on a door. Neither moves.]

WILSON
[Not looking up]
You going to get that?

DETECTIVE
[Makes a non-committal noise.]

WILSON
[Sighs and gets up.]
Well let's not both jump up at once...

[WILSON opens the door to a highly dressed, obviously pampered woman with a lot of gaudy jewelry and over-the-top make up. She pushed WILSON aside and over-dramatically rushes over to DETECTIVE.]

DETECTIVE
Is something wrong, Madame?

WOMAN
[Cries out dramatically.]
Something is terribly wrong! [WOMAN thrusts her left hand in DETECTIVE'S face and he gasps, horrified. WILSON walks over and looks at the hand.]

WILSON
[With a blank face.]
I don't see anything.

DETECTIVE
And that is precisely the problem, Wilson! This is terrible! Absolutely terrible!

WILSON
What's terrible? I don't see anything.

DETECTIVE
[Aghast.]
My God! Are you blind, man? Can't you see what is supposed to be there and is not?

WILSON
If it's supposed to be there and is not, how am I to see it?

WOMAN
[Sobs in despair.]

DETECTIVE
[Horrified.]
Think before you say something, you fool!

WILSON
[Confused and exasperated.]
I didn't do anythi-

DETECTIVE
[Turning pointedly to WOMAN.]
My deepest apologies, Madame. He's merely my apprentice. He doesn't realize what he's done. Your missing ring – this is exactly what Jewl would do!

WILSON
A missing ring? Oh, I see! Are you sure you didn't just lose it, Madame?

WOMAN
[Clearly ignoring WILSON.]
Who?

DETECTIVE
[Spitefully.]
Jewl. The most infamous of jewelry thieves. I've been after him for years – but he's always managed to slip through my fingers.

WILSON
But, Detective – Jewl hasn't stolen anything in years-

WOMAN
Why would he do such a thing?

DETECTIVE
I don't know... But I will find out! Jewl will not get away with this! Come, Wilson! We're going to pay a dear old friend of ours a visit...

[WILSON, knowing he will be ignored no matter what, just sighs.]

[Scene goes black for a moment and re-opens on DETECTIVE and WILSON in pursuit of JEWL. JEWL is wearing a jogger's outfit and headphones, completely unaware that he is being chased.]

DETECTIVE
Faster, Wilson! We don't have time to lose him!

WILSON
[Extremely out of shape and breathing hard.]
I'm – just – you go – I – catch up-

DETECTIVE
[Runs ahead and lunges for JEWL, but JEWL unexpectedly changes directions and DETECTIVE runs into a brick wall. JEWL keeps jogging, unaware.]
[Mutters] Curses...
WILSON
[Jogging up, still breathing hard]
You... fine?
DETECTIVE
[Doesn't answer and continues pursuit]
[Catches up to JEWL and grabs his arm, spinning him around.]
Aha! Caught you!

MAN
[Looks at DETECTIVE oddly]
Pardon..?
DETECTIVE
[Shouts and shakes fist at nothing in particular]
Curses!
MAN
[Walks away quickly]

DETECTIVE
Jewl! You will not thwart me!

WILSON
[Is exhausted and walks to DETECTIVE]
Not... him?
DETECTIVE
[Doesn't even notice WILSON and runs off]

WILSON
[Bent over, hands on knees, panting]
My god...

DETECTIVE
[Finally catches up with the real JEWL and tackles him]
Ha! Thought you could escape, did you?

JEWL
What are you doing, man?

DETECTIVE
[Elated.]
I've been in pursuit of you for three blocks!

JEWL
What on earth for?

DETECTIVE
You've been stealing jewelry again! I won't let you get away this time!

JEWL
[Annoyed.]
Are you crazy, man? I haven't stolen anything in over ten years!

DETECTIVE
[Face falls.]
What do you mean – you haven't stolen in ten years? But, I thought-

JEWL
[Pushes DETECTIVE off him.]
You thought wrong, you fool! Now let me be! I'm busy!
[Jogs off.]

WILSON
[Catches up to DETECTIVE and collapses, breathing hard.]
Did we – get him-?

DETECTIVE
[Extremely disappointed.]
No, Wilson, we did not.

[DETECTIVE dejectedly walks away. Scene goes black for a moment and opens on a fancy looking house where DETECTIVE rings the doorbell. FIANCEE answers the door.]
FIANCEE
Can I help you?

DETECTIVE
Afternoon, good sir. I'm afraid I have some terrible news-

WOMAN
[Appears in the doorway.]
Oh, no, Detective! It was all just a big mistake!

DETECTIVE
[Bemused.]
A mistake, Madame?

WOMAN
Yes, sir. You see – my Fiancée had taken the ring without my knowledge to get it cleaned before our wedding tomorrow. [WOMAN holds out her hand to reveal a shiny, huge and gaudy diamond ring that occupies most of the focus of her hand.]

FINACEE
[Smiling]
Thanks for your help anyways, Detective.
[Closes the door.]

WILSON
[Annoyed.]
They're not even going to invite us to their wedding? After all the trouble we went through?

DETECTIVE
It's all right, Wilson. They're getting married tomorrow. It's a happy time for them – they care little for the affairs of others. And it won't matter in the end anyways – she can't take it with her when she goes.

WILSON
[Is mildly shocked.]
Are you really just going to let them be?

DETECTIVE
[Aghast]
Why, of course not, Wilson! We need to eat too! And I believe the price for our services has just tripled.